One of the things about true generosity and kindness, is to be giving without the requirement or expectation of reward and recognition. This is something I quite often find difficult to do. I want to help people, but there is always that underlying desire to want to help people so that other people think I’m ‘nice’. So I want to shout it out to the world all the nice things I have done.
Yet, these last few months I have decided to re-evaluate who I am and what I do and my intentions behind my actions, and part of this (which came naturally, mind you), was helping others and doing nice things for others without the expectation of recognition for it. However, I have noticed that it’s been hard.
While the things I have been doing have not gone unnoticed – the recipients have always been extremely grateful, I have fought back the desire to make a post “I just donated x to y!! – Feels great”, just so I could gain the comments of praise following. But I have resisted. I have wanted to shout out on my Fan Page the things I have done, sure that it will help boost my business. But I have resisted.
One of the people I chose to help said that they now owed me. To which I replied “No need to owe me, personally. Just pass on the energy some time when you can” And Damn! It made me feel good. But still, I wanted to go on their thread asking for help and say “I DID IT!!” but I didn’t. Instead I came here to give myself a release – because I don’t want to chase reward or recognition. I want to teach myself to be truly giving and truly kind. If I post this entry onto my Facebook page, then I’ll be doing it for recognition. If I post it on my spiritual or reading blogs, then I’ll be fishing for leads. So I posted it to my combating demons journal, because it’s not about seeking these things, it’s about discussing my feelings and fighting the demon that makes me seek recognition, instead of simply doing things for me.
Combating Demons 